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“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are.” Carl Jung
My New Year’s resolution may sound trite, but it’s been revolutionary in my own life:
Do more of the things I love to do, with people I like to be with.
I love my sisters-of-the soul, Lori and SueBE, with all my heart, and enjoy writing posts for our blog, but I had to take some time away. Gratefully, they’ve loved me and prayed for me from afar, even when I’ve fallen off the radar.
My projects include advocating for others in the vision loss community, and I tend to go all in. But it led to a point where my own reserves of resources were low.
I had to get back to center and sit in stillness. Doing just what I’m doing right now: Breathing. Being. Decompressing.
In those moments, I’m able to get in touch with what’s on my heart. Issues that are complex and deeply rooted came to the fore, and, in this clear, calm state, healing started to happen.
I found it was possible to deconstruct pain from the past and release it, with the help of an online therapist and a technique called EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Rebuild from the inside out, so my foundation is strong going forward.
So, I’ve been doing small things I love to do, and, at the same time, fixing big problems.
The truth is, I’m fine as I am. You’re fine, just as you are. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to improve yourself; it means you finally love yourself as God loves you. That’s a habit that’s hard to learn.
The first step is to unlearn what you were taught by your parents, peers, and people in the world. All of them want you to conform to a metric of comparison to others. But there’s no one else in the world like you.
The second step is to put yourself first as you help others. That might sound contradictory, but, as flight attendants always say, you have to put on your own oxygen mask first.
Just what you’re doing right now. That’s what you should be doing now. You’ve taken the time to read this post, so that means you have a free moment.
You’ve chosen to read a blog about prayer and positivity, so it means you’re receptive to God’s nudges.
You’re letting this sink in, so that means you’re ready to hear your own soul telling you it needs rest. There’s no need to strive or prove yourself. If you’re here, you need to hear this: all is well. You are worthy. Just be where you are right now. It’s just where you’re meant to be.
- ✅Summer Tick Check
Okay, kids. When you come back into the house after playing in the yard, shake out every piece of clothing you’re wearing to check for ticks. Turn it inside out. Hold it up to the light. Look in the mirror. Check every fold of skin. Turn around. Feel with your hands. Clear? Good. Oh, wait! Your hair! Run your fingers methodically through your hair. Cover every inch of your scalp.
Phew! That was close. Nobody wants to catch Lyme Disease! Nobody wants something hijacking your head. Sticking its spikes into your skin. Infecting you with a dread disease that changes who you are. Sucks the life out of you. Stops you in your tracks. Puts your life on hold.
- ✅Summer Skincare Check
Sunscreen on or the trip is off. Down the shore, that sun can really do a number on you. Searing into your skin. Causing you pain. Creating lasting damage. Could lead to cancer, which could be fatal.
- Summer Psyche Check
Crickets…
Meantime, that cruel comment from your father bored into your brain and still comes up when the sad sets in. Meanwhile, that thing that happened when you were a child that they said don’t speak of to anyone reverberates in your life decades later. Changes you at the cellular level. But there’s no think-tank studying how to stop it from metastasizing. Only platitudes and placebos: stiff upper lip. Soldier on.
Worse yet, there are the naysayers. Are you sure that happened? I don’t want to be skeptical but, you were so young. Maybe you were mistaken?
No. It happened. And the pain you feel is real, but it’s a relic that has calcified into a stumbling block you still trip over.
You can release it. You don’t have to make your mind a mausoleum of dark days.
You free yourself by excavating and examining said past pain this way:
Did I deserve this? Did I cause this?
No.
Why did no one stop it? Why did no one help me?
I don’t know.
Am I worthy of the good life has to offer? Is my life important?
Yes.
Shake off the debris of memory and walk your mind into the sacred space at the center of your soul.
Check yesterday off your list. Say yes to today.
Let the wounds heal into scars. Let the scars lead you to tend to other people in pain, healing both of you in the process. Don’t resurrect the past now that it’s laid to rest. Don’t give it power over how you feel by poking it and picking at it, revisiting and reviving it in perpetuity. Don’t give old pain new life. Address it fully and release it to make way for new Grace Gifts: joy, peace, love.
Be in this moment. Let tomorrow form into what it will.
Life is good.
God is good.
All is well.
✅Check.
As I was meditating this morning, the soothing voice of Yoga instructor, Selena Lael, made it seem as if all was right with the world.
“Exhaling fully,” she said, “and emitting a humming sound will activate the Vagas nerve.”
Well, I don’t know if I inadvertently activated the “Vegas” — as in Las Vegas — nerve instead somehow, but suddenly I was amped up and anxious. Alarms were blaring in my head. Oh no! I forgot there’s a bill on auto-pay! Is there enough money in my account to cover it?
Also, I’ve got a stack of emails to reply to. Plus, I just dangled my preposition at the end of that last sentence. Aaaah!
So many things just seem so…unfinished. You tackle one situation and another one seems to spring up in its place. All these things are really just tasks on a to-do list, and we’ve all had moments where things have slipped through the cracks, haven’t we? But, looking back on the ledger of your life, you’ve handled such things before. You know how to plow through this pile of problems.
Eyes up. Gaze forward. Hands together in prayer. Shoulders square. One foot in front of the other.
There’s no need to gear up for a fight and “take on the day.” Put down your arms and take IN the day. The battle’s already been won. Do what you can to address what needs attention, and then, stop running in place. Be still, and breathe.
Settle into your comfy armchair with a fresh cup of coffee. Cover your lap with a soft throw blanket. Sit by the sunny window in the living room and pet the cat. Drink in the day that is right now, not the chaotic mess-fest you fear it may become.
It’s okay to stay in today and let tomorrow germinate in God’s garden. Who knows? Maybe the muck and mulch of fear and uncertainty will magically morph it into a beautiful, burgeoning blossom. But for now? Just be here.
Just in case I’m reincarnated as a silverfish in my next life, I never squash any bugs I find in the house. It’s just not worth the risk!
So I spotted a multi-legger this morning in front of my computer table and stopped in my tracks. “Whoa!” I said. “You’re a big boy. Not to worry! I’ll take you out.”
I always clarify, “Mind you, I mean take you outside. Not take you out, like Tony Soprano would take you out.”
Oh yes, I do talk to all my rescue bugs, just in case silverfish speak English. Well, English with a New Jersey accent. So, Inglitch. Yo.
Youse guys, I bent down to scoop Steve (the standard name I give to spiders and silverfish) into a plastic cup and realized it was just a giant mass of matted cat hair. Oh! Oopsie.
I thought about feeling embarrassed even though I was alone in the living room, but gave myself a break. I’ve got low vision. Honest mistake.
So instead, I scooped Phyllis the Furball (as she was now christened) into the cup dramatically and announced to no one in particular, “Rescue Accomplished!” and started to whistle the theme song to Mission Impossible. I deposited her into the garbage gingerly and said, “Glad to help, ma’am! Just doin’ my job.”
You might as well make light of times when you make a mistake. Give yourself a break. God made you just as you are, flaws and all.
He made me quirky and loyal and extra at times. He also authorized my low vision, so I know it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
If you stumble a bit today, don’t worry about it. No biggie.
Instead of agonizing, put your heart and soul into the things you love to do. That’s where you’ll find your calling. When you really get your hands on a project that lights you up from the inside, you won’t even sweat it when you mess up. You’re too busy getting stuff done and feeling good about life.
I’ll tell you what else: when you find your calling, that’s where you’ll find your tribe, too. Writing about faith and prayer led me to my sisters of the soul, Lori and SueBE. I know that if I’m reincarnated as a bug in their house, they’re going to take me outside. Not take me outside, mind youse. But they’ll scoop me up in a plastic cup and help me find my way.
So the least I can do in this life is love them from afar, wherever they are. Just as they do for me.
A wise man once said, “God’s got bad gift-wrapping.”
Although you can’t see it right now, the things you’re going through that hurt like Hell will collude together with Providence to create a new path ahead of you. It’s a package of pain, mind you, yet somehow, still a gift.
Sometimes you feel so alone, you dig yourself a little hole and hide there, hoping the pain won’t go with you. But of course, it does. All you want is for life to be the way it was before. For those you held dear to be here. To have full vision, as you did before. To return to the place where life made sense. To turn back the clock to the good old days, when you had the luxury of taking it all for granted. You don’t want magic and miracles. You just want a normal day. Seems like it should be one word, “Normalday” as if it’s a location or destination. A mile marker of the soul that only you can see.
In time, you’ll find a place where a glimmer of grace resides and hunker down there until the sun decides to shine again. You find you’re still covered with prayer from afar night and day, and you see that the world has decided to start turning again. You come in from the cold and walk into the warmth of those who still hold you up and hold you dear and hold you together.
But wait! This is the best part. This is the blessed part. You say it doesn’t feel like it? No. And it won’t for some time. You’re growing internally, expanding exponentially. You’re building the ability to bear up without knuckling under. To shore yourself up without getting pulled back into the morass of misery.
It’s a long walk to the promised land of “Normalday”, but remember: You will never walk alone. The ones you’ve loved and lost (including who you were in the past) are still with you somehow, and it is never a mistake to risk opening your heart because one day you will lose them.
Let them in. Let them go. Let love remain, even after they’ve gone. Let yourself grieve. Let yourself believe. Even after loss (of loved ones, of limbs, of sight, of jobs, of friends, of money, of “the one that got away”, etc.) there is life. And tomorrow the sun will shine again. You will rise to meet the day and be renewed. And look at you now! You’ve survived the worst of it, stronger at the broken places. Let the normal day begin.
Dear friend enduring dark days: I am here for you. Beloved sister of my soul, you are not alone. If only I could send an angel to enfold you in its sheltering wings. Cover you with a prayer shawl infused with golden light to cast out bleak thoughts. Send a forcefield to protect you from enemies without and doubts within. Send you my heart so you feel how loved you are in each beat. Lend you my shoulder to carry the weight of all you have to bear. Lend you my ear to listen as you tell me your troubles.
But all I can do from afar is pray for you, remind you that you’ll weather this storm. Quietly help you heal with the age-old elixir of listening mixed with loving-kindness. Dear heart, with the tincture of time, with a foundation of faith, you will survive. Holding God’s hand, trusting your heart, you will come back to life again. And when you’re ready to fly again, spread your wings and wend your way skyward.
Till then, do what you know innately to do. One foot in front of the other. Chin up. Eyes ahead. Call on God to carry you through. And let me walk with you as you do.
With the Lord a day is like a thousand years…
Yea, though, with a contractor, a day costs like, a thousand dollars.
Now, this may not actually be (said in Chandler Bing’s voice) in the Bible, but maybe it ought to be.
Birds gotta fly. Fish gotta swim. Let me add to that list: Sales reps gotta sell. The trick is finding a sales rep who won’t rook you. This was on my mind as I listened to the basement waterproofing sales rep give me his spiel.
“So, with all the issues this basement has, we’re looking at…” (pretends to do quick calculations on his notepad). “Ten thousand, five hundred. Are you onboard?”
I want to say: Oh sure! I’ll pencil you in for next Tuesday, cuz I’m having tea with the Queen on Monday. Then I’ve got to buy the Brooklyn Bridge, mm hmm, let’s see… (pretends to check calendar on phone) and then I’m scheduled to buy a used turnip truck, and will proceed to fall off the back of it.
But what I say is this: “Thanks for your time.” And I usher him to the door. I wasn’t born yesterday. Or the day before, sonny! I know I shouldn’t get mad at people who try to sell me a bill of goods, but this is ridiculous.
In the actual Bible, in Ecclesiastes, it says:
“There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:”
It even covers home improvements!
“…a time to tear down and a time to build…”
So what this saga tells me is that it isn’t the time to get those renovations done. It’s better to put buckets under leaks than to pay a shady outfit to do a half-hearted (or half-lower-extremity’d) job. Time to get back to my blessings and put the problem in God’s hands.
One morning, I tried a sample of skin cream my dermatologist had given me, and, as soon as I slathered it on, my skin began to burn. Next came the intense itching, and finally, an outbreak of acne.
I called the dermatologist’s office, and told the on-call doctor I was having an allergic reaction to the sample. He said, “It’s probably not an allergic reaction. Everyone who starts with this cream has some mild irritation.” He proceeded to tell me not to worry and to start using the cream again a few days later.
I thanked him, hung up, and set about doing the things I knew would alleviate the pain: take Benadryl, put an ice pack on my cheeks, and drink lots of water. Far be it from me to correct a doctor, but his advice was unhelpful, so I didn’t heed it.
The next day, as my skin was peeling off my face in patches as if I’d been severely sunburned, I thought, What was the disconnect here? Was it just that doctors don’t believe patients? Men don’t believe women? The younger generation doesn’t believe older people?
It reminded me of the time I’d hired an animal control company to capture a groundhog. The young man arrived to set up what he called an “inescapable” trap, and, each time he’d set it up, he’d catch the groundhog, then lose it again.
I called the owner of the company and told him the groundhog had escaped four times. “Impossible,” he said. “That trap is iron-clad. No way any animal can get out of it.” Far be it from me to tell a business owner he’s off-base, but I had video of the groundhog breezing out of the metal trap like a teeny Houdini.
I went back out to the yard and said to the young man, “The owner says the trap is impossible for a groundhog to escape from. Why does this keep happening?”
The young man said, “Well, I’ve done this job for a number of years, and set this trap a number of times, and this is really hard to explain.”
At that moment, it occurred to me: Zero is a number. He’s done this job for zero years. He’s had zero training. And he captured zero groundhogs that day. What a life lesson this was for me!
When it comes to what’s happening in your life, you know the deal.
When somebody tells you that your experience didn’t happen? They’re denying your reality. They can talk all day long, but if you aren’t getting what you need out of the situation, you’ve got a right — even an obligation — to show them the door. Wish them well on their journey…and may it be far away from you. What was it the Bible says about not being a clanging cymbal? We don’t need noise without substance. We need those who see and hear us.
This morning, my cat, Squeaky, was tossing around his toys, and when one of them rolled under the couch, he looked at me with those piercing “guy-liner” eyes expectantly. “Can you get that ball for me, O Servant? Sometime today, please,” he seemed to say. Even silent, he’s pushy, but that’s part of his charm.
So I felt around under the couch and found the ball, but it was covered with dust. I picked off the schmutz, and, without realizing, touched my face. Uh-oh. I’m allergic to dust. Earlier this year, I got a skin infection from scratching my face after I’d dusted. Not again! I ran to the sink to wash the dust off my face.
Dust off my face. Huh. Isn’t that what we’ve all had to do recently as we get semi-sorta back into IRL (in real life) meetings using Zoom? If you’re going to be in a Zoom meeting on camera, you’re going to have to take your face out of storage and dust it off.
Being on video means we’ve got to remember to do laundry the night before so we’ve got clean “work clothes.” In the morning, we’ve got to shower so we don’t show up with “Bedhead” hair on camera.
As we get back into the swing of things, let’s all remember to dust off another thing we’ve collectively put on the shelf: kindness.
It takes a lot of energy to deal with everything being thrown at us. As we all dust off our public faces, and remember how to conduct ourselves in public spaces, tensions flare. So if someone comes at you today in a bad mood, try not to respond in kind. Show grace and conduct yourself with dignity. You might just be the metronome of mercy that sets the tone for those around you.
As I exercised in my basement the other day, I wandered over to the tiny window near my stationary bike and checked to see if it was locked.
Strangely, it wasn’t. Huh. That’s unsettling. I’ve lived in this home for 26 years and can’t ever remember checking that window to ensure that it was locked.
I stood there for a moment in disbelief. That’s a safety risk! Granted, you’d have to be downright Lilliputian to squeeze through that window, but I felt it was my duty to make myself worry retroactively. An unlocked (albeit diminutive) window for all these years! That’s very troubling!
For some reason, I’ve always felt that part of my job in life is to worry. I should’ve been on the ball about this! I considered standing there in the basement and worrying retroactively. But for how long? For the equivalent of 26 years? Where’s that blasted “panic” button when you need it?!?
Deep breaths! Okay.
“Let not your heart be troubled,” a wise sage once wrote. Every problem is a project in disguise. My worry about that tiny opening that only a leprechaun could fit through was really a window of opportunity. A learning experience, taught by the Great Teacher.
It’s not my job to stress over problems I didn’t know existed. My job is to do my best in this moment, grateful for the grace that has kept us covered through the years.
“Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs it down, but a good word makes it glad,” Proverbs 12:25 NASB.
Here’s the good word: whatever is too heavy a burden to bear is not yours to carry. Hand it off to God and bask in the blessings of each new day.
praypower4today 