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I don’t normally sit in the balcony at church. But my husband and son are streaming services for our pastor. He, the organist, and an enormous screen are at the front of the sanctuary. A scattering of people distance while wearing masks. It isn’t normal. Some weeks I wonder if it is worth the effort.

Then my son nudged me and nodded at the lights hanging from the ceiling. The one closest to us was swaying. When I asked why, he looked surprised that I didn’t know. “It’s the air from the vent.” Every time the furnace kicked on, it would blow the light and the light would swing gently forward and back.

I have to admit that I was surprised that something like the air from a vent had a visible impact on the light fixture. The one seems so solid and substantial, the other so insubstantial. And yet, the light sways.

It has made me reconsider about what is worth the effort and what is not. Even a small breath of air can cause a light to sway. What does and does not make a difference in this troubled world?

I suspect that small efforts have greater impact than we often know. Whether it is a phone call to a fellow church member or a can of food in a donation barrel, even a very smell effort causes motion in the world. That motion may have the power to sway an opinion or light up a dark day.

Whether or not we will ever know.

–SueBE

My mackerel-tabby, Squeaky, in his situation of blessings: napping on a comfy blue blanket on the golden-colored couch, while bathed in a patch of sun rays.

Before I start the day, I listen for God’s leading. What’s on my mind today? What’s on my heart?

So, at 55-years-old, I’m thinking about going back to college to finish my degree. I found myself thinking that if I’d accomplished this one specific thing, my life would have turned out better. 

But is that true? 
If I’d gotten my degree, I might still feel incomplete.
Okay. Got my Bachelor’s. 
Shoulder shrug.
Great. But you know what? I still feel incomplete. If only I’d gotten my Master’s! Okay. Got my Master’s. If only I’d gotten my Doctorate! Okay. Got my Doctorate.

Head shrug. Hmm. Still not quite “there” yet.

If only I’d gotten that research grant! Okay. Got the grant. 

If only my lab were bigger! Got the bigger lab.
I’ve got it now.
If only my lab coat were more comfortable! Oh, I could be so much more productive. Why, I’d discover great things, even unlock that last, implacable door and find the key to happiness! But alas. Scratchy lab coat. What can you do?

Soul shrug. It’s an impossible dilemma!
Maybe it’s not about waiting for the perfect circumstances. It’s okay to be where you are, as who you are. You’re not incomplete or broken. You’re you, in the process of becoming even more you. It’s not about perfection, but being in what I call, the “situation of blessings.”

Be around people who are warm, welcoming, and with whom you feel a kinship. Do the things you love, in a relaxed environment. That’s where you bloom into your own fullness. I may go back to school, and I may not, but I’ve learned a life lesson today. 

Where is “there” anyway? Doesn’t matter. Right now, just be here, reading this blog. In the palm of God’s hand. In your situation of blessings.

Feathered, almost, I suppose.
an egg cupped in a nest,
the worrisome business of being born
blunted by something sure
bringing light and heat
to the blind uncoiling of limbs.
There will be no abrupt nudgings
to take flight with wings too weak
to shatter air; you are welcome to stay
a week, a year, a lifetime.
All you need do
is never look down.
Instead keep your vision fixed
on the sky: something is coming,
flapping furiously, with arms like an angel,
to enfold you. Believe in this.

bird flying over the sea during sunset
Picture of a gradient-pink sunset over a shimmering ocean as seagulls fly in formation around the sun

Kind people, I’d like to share with you Auntie Ruth’s Rules of Life. In a nutshell, you and I will get along just fine if you’ve got the following attributes:

  • Sense of decency
  • Sense of humor
  • Sense of purpose

I don’t need to know your pedigree. What letters you’ve got after your name. Your group affiliations. Your alma mater. Your net worth. 

As long as you’re a decent human being who treats me like a decent human being, we’re golden.

So I found out recently that someone I’d thought of as a friend was actually a bigot, which violates the “sense of decency” rule.  I was surprised when I realized this; as a person with a disability who’s been on the receiving end of discrimination herself, you’d think she’d have more empathy.

You might say, call her out on it. But it won’t change her mind. She won’t suddenly see the light after our conversation.

Here in New Jersey, there’s a gesture that I’ve termed, “the up-down.” Someone looks you in the eye, scans your body all the way down to your feet, then looks back up at your eyes again. It’s an insecure person’s way of diminishing others in the mistaken belief that it will elevate them.

Maybe bigots are trying to be “big,” so they need someone else to be “small.” Maybe they’ve been hurt so many times in life that they’ve become one of the hurt-ers.

It could be that the only answer is no answer. Just disengage. As with any problem too large for me to get my arms around, I’ll pray it out, get back to center, and leave it in God’s hands. 

How does your filter impact what you see?

Friday, I attended a Zoom lecture sponsored by the Contemporary Art Museum of St. Louis. My friend’s son loves this museum and I was curious. The artist and presenter was Tim Portlock, a local artist and professor.

Out of respect for Portlock’s ownership of his own art, I’m not posting any of his work. Take a moment to visit his site. Portlock is a digital artist. He flies a drone around the building he wants to image. Once he has a variety of structures, he digitally compiles them into a single landscape.

When he started doing this, his landscapes contained only abandoned buildings with vast spaces in between. Sometimes he included appropriate animal life such as feral dogs. His cityscapes were bleak. They reflected the attitudes of Americans at the time who only saw the abandoned portions of our inner cities.

Today’s landscapes are different. Instead of focusing on one city, he compiles buildings from many cities. He also includes new construction. He explained that he does this because people worldwide now see these spaces as opportunities.

I’ve been thinking about his work all day. The images are detailed and striking.

But the most amazing things is that they are not real. No matter how genuine they look, they are fabrications.

God has granted us with so many ways of taking in the world. But the world we see is drawn through our own filters. Perhaps your filter might intensify the light, casting a harsh glare on the world around you. I have to admit that I have a tendency to judge harshly. There are people whose filter applies a rosy light to the landscape.

How does your own filter impact how you see the world?

–SueBE

Wisdom gained in the past year: In a pandemic, days seem to blend together. To that end, I’ve made a conscious effort to find the goodness in each one. For example, by Monday evening, the house is as clean as it will ever be. On Tuesday, I write a blog post — or don’t — and either option is pleasurable. Wednesdays bring a phone chat with my friend Alice. Thursdays provide time for catching up, while Fridays — well, Fridays have their own magic, don’t they? Mine are enhanced by a weekly phone chat with my friend Marilyn. Weekends require little help to shine. They are the days I get to spend with my spouse, neither of us laboring (for the most part).

How are you marking your days? And how can we all add a little spiritual oomph to our routine? Maybe by focusing on each blessing, no matter how small.

Today may bring a miracle
or at least a small surprise —
catch either by the tail
and hold it up to light.
Bless its energy, no matter
how humble and nondescript.
Then let it go to anoint another.
What we cannot touch with our hands,
let us embrace with words.
What is left loose in our lives
is one thing less to do, a grace,
to fill with silence or bread baking.
Slow your expectations to meet
the small, still passage of hours.
Revel in them. You may never know
solitude like this again.

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