It’s just been me and my son in our house since he was eight-years-old and he’s 20 now. Oddly enough I’m still 29! (And I have been for the last 25 years.😏)

Well, it’s just been us and our (late) pet-partners, Sheena, the black lab/border collie mix, and later on, KitKat, a former street-cat tabby. 

So I’ve always put my son first and my own needs on the back burner.

I realized the other day that he’s probably doing the same thing for me.

In trying to take care of each other in this way, it’s led to a bottleneck in terms of actual communication. As an example, something as simple as setting the temperature in the house can lead to a mutually neutral response.

“Cole, honey, do you want me to turn on the AC? Are you too hot?”

He’ll answer, “Are you too hot, Mom? I’m okay either way.”

So I realized we need to work on communicating with each other. 

Oddly enough, the answer is for each of us to put ourselves first. I’ll aim to be more declarative, saying instead, “Honey, I’m hot, so I’m going to turn on the air. If it gets too cold for you after a while, let me know and I’ll adjust it.” And he needs to do the same. 

You can’t get what you want until you can put it into words. Take care of yourself so you can be there for your loved ones.