Showing up as someone other than your true self can be wearing.
As long as I can remember (!) I’ve had trouble remembering things I’ve done, people I’ve met, conversations we’d had. So I learned to make up for it with humor and this unrelenting cheerfulness that has become a lifelong habit. In my 20s, I’d use the phrase, I had a senior moment there! when I’d forget basic things. Co-workers would laugh and say, You’re too young to have those! and the infraction would be forgiven.
If I’d said, I don’t know why I can’t remember anything, and to be honest, it’s kind of upsetting, it would’ve gotten a moment of discussion or a shoulder shrug, but you could only do that so often. People would assume you weren’t applying yourself, or were just not that bright.
So most of the time I would flip a switch and turn into this upbeat version of myself, which meant I was always presenting a persona instead of being who I am. I needed to write lists of every task. Not a general to-do list, but pages of what I needed to do, checked off as I went. If it wasn’t documented there, I honestly couldn’t remember if I’d done it.
It was only after I was diagnosed with MS that I realized there was a reason for my forgetfulness.
It made me wonder: What is it we don’t know about the people with whom we interact? Is everybody grappling with something? It’s possible that someone in your life right now is feeling this way, but doesn’t know how to express it, or where to turn to make it better.
Maybe we’ll never know what others are going through. Assuming there’s a story might be enough for our collective compassion to kick in.
6 comments
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October 22, 2018 at 2:58 am
the #1 Itinerary
Great post 😁
October 22, 2018 at 7:26 am
whisperingleavesblog
MS is a daunting complaint congratulations on being upbeat and positive and offering supportive advice to others.
October 22, 2018 at 3:49 pm
rhcwilliams
Thank you, that’s so kind of you to say! I thought it was important to let people know they’re not alone. We’re all taught to keep a stiff upper lip and soldier on, but behind the scenes, everybody’s dealing with something. A little kindness can go a long way. Peace & Blessings to you!
October 22, 2018 at 4:39 pm
Doing Good | praypower4today
[…] did judge Ruth, because of her forgetfulness. If you haven’t read her post yet, click-through here. It would have been easy to decide that she just didn’t take things as seriously as they […]
October 23, 2018 at 3:03 am
calensariel
That post really hit home. I have the same kind of memory problems as of late. I’ve been wondering how much of it as to do with my auto immune disorder — MG. Sometimes, however, I think I’m trying to wrap my head around too much data… Sigh…
October 23, 2018 at 4:07 am
rhcwilliams
You know, I think you’re onto something there, Lady C…maybe we’re all trying to absorb so much information – much of it negative – that we’re making our circuits short out.
I think our auto immune disorders must be getting researched in some lab somewhere. Don’t you? I haven’t heard much in the way of progress being made lately in the area of MS or MG. Here’s hoping they come up with some kind of magic elixir, and you and I both feel healthy and whole again!!