By the time I eventually moseyed over for a visit, my mother would have at the ready some carefully curated quotes, knowing full well that, as soon as I arrived, I’d be planning my exit.
“He who fails to plan, plans to fail,” she’d tell me, nodding. “What’s past is prologue!”
I would just shrug, which only led her to say:
“Youth is wasted on the young!”
She’d throw a Latin phrase my way and, like the former teacher that she was, expect me to respond with the correct answer.
“Panacea?” she’d demand.
“Cure-all,” I’d respond dutifully.
“Gallia est omnis divisa…?” she’d tilt her head at me.
“…in partes tres,” I’d say, barely stifling a yawn.
She’d share her pet conspiracy theories as well. “Sir Francis Bacon actually wrote all of Shakespeare’s works,” she’d exclaim, even as I tuned her out. “Known fact!”
After I left home, I could barely get through a visit with my mother. She smoked like a chimney. She’d stockpile every bit of bad news and tale of woe to aim at me, like a missile full of misery. I didn’t realize until later that it was her way of trying to prepare and protect me from things that might go wrong. “Forewarned is forearmed!” she’d say, finger jabbing the air.
After her passing, I learned that, no matter how old you are, when your parents pass away, you feel as if you’ve lost your moorings. Looking back on old, poor-quality photographs, you realize that your mother had a whole life before you were even born, and now that she’s gone, you ‘ll never get to hear those stories.
Dear readers, if you’re lucky enough to still have your mother in your life, I’d like to gently and gingerly nudge you to spend time with her while you have the chance.
Heck, I think I’ll come at you like the
New Jersey Mama Bear that I am, and say it like this: So, what, it would kill you to call the mother who gave you life? 🙂
Coffee and cake at a cafe′ once a year on Mother’s Day are all well and good. Being fully present and hearing with your heart? Priceless.
13 comments
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May 8, 2016 at 8:41 pm
suebe
It sounds like our mothers might have known each other — except for the Latin. Hugs to you on this Mother’s Day, dear daughter and Jersey Mama Bear!
May 9, 2016 at 3:36 am
rhcwilliams
Thanks, SueBE – big hugs back at you! Hope you had a relaxing day, dear heart. My son got me some comfy pajamas, and I never want to change out of them, they’re so soft. Might get looks at the grocery store, though! 🙂
May 9, 2016 at 12:51 pm
suebe
Good if not quiet. It was also my husband’s birthday. And my editor asked me to rewrite a book by today. Nope, not quiet. But very very good.
May 9, 2016 at 3:41 am
in
Really precious, this post, Ruth. Thanks. God has truly blessed me to have my Mom with me still today. I pray that He will give me the grace to cherish, respect, and love her as she absolutely deserves. A Happy Mother’s Day to you, Ruth!
May 9, 2016 at 3:48 am
rhcwilliams
My pal, In! How are you, soul sister? Good to hear from you. I know you’re good to your mother, so I have no doubt you appreciate her. As for me, this was a perfect, peaceful kind of day. We did nothing! We had Devil Dogs! Bliss! 🙂 Hope all is well with you, dear friend.
May 9, 2016 at 3:52 am
in
I’ve been longin’ to catch up on all I’ve missed on WP. My Mom and I took over a business a couple of weeks ago, which I will make a (non-complaining) post about soon. Because of that, I’ve been crazy busy, with not even any time at all to rev up my computer at home. Just wanna crash to sleep in bed, stinky from the day and all. I’m supposed to be typing very important forms at the moment, but uh…am takin’ a peek at the WP Reader first. Hehe. So happy for your blissful day!
May 9, 2016 at 3:59 am
rhcwilliams
Good to have you back! Very cool to be taking over a business. Best of luck! Give yourself some time to rest up for the work ahead. Speaking of, it’s midnight here in Jersey and I’m tuckered myself. Thanks for checking in!!
May 9, 2016 at 3:50 pm
loristrawn
“All Gaul is divided into three parts.” First line of “Julius Caesar” in Latin. How well I know it! Our moms must have gone to school together!
May 9, 2016 at 5:22 pm
rhcwilliams
Lori, it must’ve been a “Mom Thing” to quote that line! 🙂 I hope I remembered it correctly. It’s been a long time! Looking back, I find it hard to believe, but I really miss those visits. Flights of fancy and all!
May 9, 2016 at 9:54 pm
Ginny Wilcox
Once I left home, I too had a hard time visiting my mom. I always had an exit plan up my sleeve, just in case. She never did the latin thing but she certainly stored up all the bad news and anything else seemingly negative she could find.
She passed over 7 years ago and it wasn’t until afterwards that I discovered a lot about her life before us kids came along. (There are 6 of us). I must say that I absolutely agree with you when you say, what will it hurt? Go visit that lady! If I only had one more day…
May 10, 2016 at 3:42 am
rhcwilliams
You know, Ginny, now that you mention it… maybe it’s a universal thing. I wonder if my own son will be writing about me someday in the same way! 🙂 Maybe it’s just the cycle of life, and there’s no way around it. Thanks for commenting! Blessings, Ruth
May 11, 2016 at 1:35 pm
calensariel
I so hear you. My mom was such a private person. When you asked her to tell you about her childhood, she’d say there was nothing go to tell. Till the end of her life she remained an enigma to my sister, brother, and me. And when she died there was no one left in her family to fill in the blanks. All we knew was that she had been married before… It still breaks my heart. Not making that mistake with my own kids.
May 11, 2016 at 9:52 pm
rhcwilliams
That’s a good word for it, Lady Calen – private. Our mothers were private, but I think it was another way of trying to protect us, and maybe themselves, from things too hard to remember. Ah well. Maybe blogs are going to be the memoirs of this era, eh? Easier than slogging through a whole manuscript!