Permission to Drift

I’ve been trying to write this week’s post for several days.

My first excuse for not getting it done was work.  I’m sitting here with a manuscript with 265 editorial comments. Some of them are super simple. Others, not so much.  Either way, they’re a tad overwhelming and I’m having to force myself to focus on one page at a time, otherwise I freak out. Working a bit here and a bit there, I managed to rewrite two chapters today.

My second excuse was that I can’t find anything good to write about. My friend in the hospital has had a miserable week. I’ve tried writing about dealing with her physical therapists – the kind of people who fill your lungs with water, literally, without telling you what or why or offering a sedative. I still haven’t managed to actually pray about this because I know that asking God to kick someone’s butt is wrong.

Then I thought that maybe I could take a bit of inspiration from someone else. Nope. Not that one.  That blogger’s MLK day song just about sent me through the roof. It’s so upbeat it’s annoying.

I haven’t managed many coherent prayers this week but I know that nonetheless God is with me. I’m may not be saying much but He Knows what is buried deep in my heart.  I know this but it took me until this evening to realize why I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere.

I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere, because I’m not and that’s okay. What I need is time to drift, to focus on just a bit at a time and then push away and drift some more. It may feel a bit purposeless but sometimes we need to simply be in His presence is enough.  Eventually I’ll rediscover my purpose as I hear His voice.

Until then, I know He’s with me even as I drift.

–SueBE

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