Oh, it’s that time again. They come by the van-load every month like clockwork.   Dressed impeccably, tracts in hand, ready to plow the fields of faith!  You guessed it. It’s the Jehovah’s Witnesses.  Giving it one more try!

Twenty years ago, my Mormon cousin created a rift in our lifelong friendship when she sent missionaries to my door repeatedly in an attempt to get me to see the light.

Well, you might say, you’re a person of faith.  Aren’t you and these missionaries on the same side?  What do you have against them?

It’s nothing against them or their religions, as such.  I (obviously) don’t subscribe to the tenets of either faith and have heard it suggested that both of them teeter on the verge of being cults.  I think it’s fine to talk about what you believe on a blog such as this one, where people of faith choose to read it– or not to read it.  But me, showing up at your door, trying to bend your brain to my way of thinking?  Never gonna happen.

It’s like this.  A co-worker used to go to the bakery every week for a brownie, and while she was there, she’d pick one up for me as well.  Nice gesture, right?  Well, not really.  You see, I don’t like brownies.  I love almost every other kind of chocolate baked good with frosting, just not brownies.  So I said, “Thanks, but I really don’t like brownies.”  I’d find someone else in the office to whom I could “re-gift” the brownie (since, throw away a baked good?  Are you macadamia?)

But after a few weeks of this, I handed it right back to her.  “I don’t like brownies.  Please don’t buy me any more of these.”  She said, “But you love chocolate!  And frosting.  You told me so yourself.”  I said, “But not brownies.”  I liked the ingredients and the intention, but not in this particular configuration.

So somebody might be trying to “give” God to me, and I might appreciate it intellectually, but it just isn’t in the form that works for me.  While you intend it as a positive, I will always (trust me on this) receive it as a negative.  If you want to portray your faith in a good light, do me a favor, keep walking.  I’ll consider it a sign that you take my feelings into account and think of your religion in a different light.

PS  But if you come back, I’m still not gonna open the door.